Oh My God, I am sooo drunk right now, I need a cigarette.

This one goes out to all the “non-smokers” who… well… smoke. I know I am not the only one confused with the girl who sucks down a pack a week but when you ask her if she smokes she says, “No I don’t smoke, only when I am at a bar and I am drunk.” Really? because if you smoke in outer space, I am pretty sure you are a smoker. Where why or how you do it, you are still doing it. That is like me saying "I don’t eat fast food, only when I am drunk." I am still taking in those Cals. Or "I don’t kill orphan, only when I wear my Batman Halloween costume from when I was 7 and paint my nails neon green." It doesn’t matter how awesome I look in my Batman costume I am still killing orphans right?

The next morning you wake up and you smell like smoke, not because you were drinking, because you were smoking. Your esophagus isn’t going to say, “Yo lungs, liver says she is drinking so it is cool, don’t count this smoke.”

I am not against smoking, shit I think it makes cowboys look bad ass in movies (cool cowboys, not broke back ones) killing Indians and what not. Manifest Destiny!!! OHHH, where is the buffalo now Crying Man???? Mmmm, hot wings.

Listen lets not lie any more, if you like to smoke, cool. It’s not the worst thing in the world. We all know mayo is. What? Mayo’s gross.