BEST STORY EVER!!!

During the Edinburgh fringe festival, Daniel Blackner stepped on stage to perform his, what some people would call off-beat act. Daniel, or as he is known by his stage name, Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf, took the stage at the Circus of horrors, pants and knickers at ankles - and like Flea of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, he wore something around his member to cover it up. Unlike Flea, who wears a sock, Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf wore a vacuum cleaner, with a special attachment, atop his junk. Unfortunately, before he was due to perform, the special attachment broke and Captain Dan superglued it back together. The dry time of the glue is 20 minute - it was given 20 seconds to perform its duties; the same time squeeze as a child at the Mattel factory in China.

Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf takes the stage with the hose directly attached to his junk...and ended up in the hospital. And the crowd LOVED IT! And who wouldn't?

Said Captain Dan of the incident: "It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed [emergency room] with a vacuum attached to me." Personally, I'd think attaching a vacuum to your junk in front of a large crowd would be more humiliating, but I guess I'm a mortification by numbers guy...

Captain Dan continued "I just wished the ground could swallow me up..." No such luck, Dan. The vacuum cleaner already assumed that responsibility.

Here's the article (to prove I didn't make this up...shit, I barely believe I didn't make it up): http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070820/od_afp/entertainmentbritain;_ylt=AmTEbEsbmc.w_dv0Gdh7hCoZ.3QA