Another Page in the Book, Another Life Changed, Another Trip to My Psychiatrist

Yes, that’s correct, season 2 of America’s Got Talent, or as I like to call is “America’s Most Washed Up Celebrities and Random People Do Stuff”, has completed and we have a new winner crowned as “the most talented act in the United States”. I just have one question for you…does anyone know who was the 1st most talented act in the United States. Seriously, I watched this finale and I literally thought it was the first season; I was shocked I was wrong because as we all know, I have no life.

Anyways the show kicked off by letting the four finalists, a beat boxer, 2 singers, and a ventriloquist who sings; perform one last time for the audience. The fact that all four finalists were musical acts tells me one thing, these people must all be the rejects from American Idol.

Speaking of rejects, after the 4 finalists did their little thing on the stage, a group of fan favorite acts from the past combined efforts to cover Queen’s We Are the Champions. This performance consisted of, but was not limited to, multiple transvestites and a kid doing back flips on a flaming pogo stick. I felt like I was watching an episode of the Jerry Springer show, which is ironic because Jerry Springer’s job on the show was to interview all the acts, and he ever said that this compilation reminded him of his own show…funny, I think not! I feel like if I’m allowed to laugh at this performance I should be allowed to laugh at the competitors in the Special Olympics 100 meter Hurdles.

Next came the real performance of the night…I think. David Hasselhoff (the guy who thought people were watching Baywatch because of him and his great acting, whose only other famous role consisted of talking to a car, and let’s be honest the girls on Baywatch might as well have had the personalities of cars, so I guess it all worked out in the end) sang a song. The sad part was me and everyone in the audience would have much rather watched the 3 trannies and the funky bunch sing again than the Hoff. Look, I understand that he is a huge star in Germany, but here in America we have real musicians, like Kevin Federline and Ashlee Simpson.

The show concluded with the singing ventriloquist winning the grand prize of 1 million dollars, and a job working at a hotel in Las Vegas. Great, now we have America’s most talented person opening up for the people America forgot, Tom Jones and Wayne Newton. Is it just me, or is this the biggest slap in the face for the winner. At least the winners of American Idol get a record contract, what does this guy get, free trips to the buffet line? Sometimes I wonder if humans are meant to be the highest level of organisms in the universe, or are we just a bump in the road in the evolutionary chain to something greater.