In the news today there is an article stating “Study: Seniors having more sex then you think.” Weird, I don’t ever remember thinking about old people having sex. Actually I try very hard not to think about that. How is this news? Old people are doing it, great, so am I… yeah all the time… Non-stop… right now I am no lie… I’m so lonely…
Is this article to make the rest of us feel bad? So some 80 year old is throwing it to some 74 year old spring chicken and all of a sudden I realize that I am in my sexual prime striking out left and right. God I hate old people! Learn how to drive! A Car A Car, I meant a car!!!
This isn’t a very hard study to conduct. “More old people doing it then I thought” All you have to do is ask one old guy if he is getting in on the regular. If he says “yes” study over. More then I thought. You know what other studies would be stupid,
1. More kindergarten kids are having sex then you think.
2. More horses eat pineapple then you think.
3. More people download octopus porn then you think.
4. More people watch Mind of Mencia then you think. (sorry about using this joke twice but the show isn't funny.)
If any of those are more then 1 then it isn’t more then I thought, it is straight up shocking and appalling. I would like to end this with some witty joke about how gross old people doing it is, but my dry heaving has caused a blood vessel to pop in my eye and I am losing vision.