Wednesday, August 29, 2007

A Bitch Named Trouble

Apparently Leona Helmsley, known as the "Queen of Mean" for her tax evasion and general evilness during the '80s has died recently. Her husband made a fortune on luxury hotels and real estate acquisitions to the point that their net worth exceeded a billion dollars. One of her more famous quotes was from a former employee stating "Only the little people pay taxes." Midgets everywhere were furious.

So she's dead. Ding-dong the witch is dead. Which old witch? The wicked witch. The little people will not have to suffer any longer. And neither will her dog. Her Maltese, Trouble, has a 12 million-dollar trust fund set up for her. 12 million. While 2 of her grandkids will get 5 million a piece based upon them having to visit their father's grave site once a year every year. And as for the other two grandkids? They were left nothing due to "reasons that are known to them." And she left millions to her brother as well.

Now, I know what you're saying... I wanna marry that dog. But that would be wrong. I don't know if the $12 million would be worth all the yipping when you don't take the garbage out and I'm sure all the cooking would taste like dog-food. Plus let's not even go into the amount of peanut butter you'd have to keep on hand. And Johnny McNugget is allergic to nuts.

But what is a dog to do with millions? Open a checking account? What does this old bat think that the dog (who will probably live 5-10 years tops) will need all this money for? 100k would be alot. 12 mil is re-god-damn-diculous. Does the dog eat caviar and drink nectar from the Elysian Fields? Just put the thing down. Or give it to Michael Vick to play with.

And the grandkids getting 10 million combined for 4 of them? Wow. Less than the dog. And the article further stipulates that she left behind 3 million for the upkeep of her mausoleum.
The mausoleum, she ordered, must be "washed or steam-cleaned at least once a year." She left behind $3 million for the upkeep of her final resting place in Westchester County, where she is buried with her husband, Harry Helmsley.
And the dog is going to be buried with her. I just wish upon wish that they pocket the 3 million (that's 60% for cleaning up a dead person's house of the inheritance left to her grandchildren) and they piss in that damn mausoleum. What a bitch.

1 comment:

Kramer said...

Screw pissing in the musoleum, they should gauge out her eyes and skull f*ck that b$tch!