Man 1, Sharks 12

On Sunday, 37 year-old Jason Cull was swimming with dolphins on Australia's south coast when he spotted a dark form moving towards him. At first, it appeared to be a dolphin. However, horror struck as Cull realized that this 16' beast was actually a Great White shark.

Cull described the moment, "I just remember being dragged backwards underwater. I felt along it, I found its eye and I poked it in the eye, and that's when it let go."

The shark ended up tearing two chunks of flesh from his leg, including half of his calf and left lacerations on his knee and and thigh. He is expected to make a full recovery. The shark, on the other hand, will be confined to wearing an eye patch for the rest of its life and will be subject to numerous, unfunny pirate jokes. When asked for comment the shark responded, "I'm a fuckin' shark - I can't fuckin' talk...jackass."

There have been 12 shark related deaths in Australia since 2000, including a 16 year old boy last month.

If you're ever attacked by a shark, you can take one of two approaches - the Cull method or the Loki method. The Cull method involves poking the shark's eye out, swimming to shore and surviving. The Loki method involves soiling yourself, crying like a 3 year old who just covered himself in honey and played pinata with a beehive, and then probably soiling yourself again. It's your call...