Sunday, May 18, 2008
Call Me Ashlee Wentz
Ashlee Simpson and her effeminate fiance, Pete Wentz, tied the knot at her parents' Los Angeles area home this weekend in an Alice in Wonderland themed wedding.
In my humble opinion, this is another one of Joe Simpson's attempts to whore his daughter out in the name of the mighty dollar. In the months surrounding the release of Ashlee's third album, Bittersweet World, Ashlee has [reportedly] gotten pregnant and married to keep her name in the press consistently. Considering Ashlee has a solid 2 octave range, it's no wonder Joe has to perform a bunch of publicity stunts to move records. I think Joe influences his daughter's decisions by whispering into her ear, knowing that she's dumb enough not to know the difference between a whisper and her own thoughts.
Wentz has openly admitted that he is attracted to other men in the May 2007 issue of The Advocate and admitted to making out with them in Blender. In November 2007 Wentz was quoted in an NPR story, "There's part of me that kind of wishes I was gay, and I think that comes from anybody constantly wishing they were in the minority and constantly wants to be fighting everybody off."
This relationship has solid roots and is bound to last a lifetime. Thankfully the sanctity of marriage was not shit on by these soul mates.
All that said, Ashlee's new album has sold under 75,000 copies to date. Joe, if you're reading - it's time to take it to the next level. Have a penis surgically grafted onto Ashlee. You'll make Pete the happiest girl in the world and that's bound to move another 100,000 records.