Still Living Lohan

The Show:

Loki takes an Ambien and watches the show in an Ambien induced coma.

Ali (correctly) accuses record producer Jeremy Greene of insinuating to the tabloids that he and Lindsay had some sort of relationship going.

Dina mediates between Jeremy and Ali. All is well.

Dina celebrates making it into Boulevard magazine, a Long Island publication.

While at the Boulevard party, the Lohan household has an electrical fire. There is no damage an no one gets hurt.

Loki dreams that he goes to his high school bus stop wearing his left loafer on his right foot and his right athletic shoe on his left foot. Kids point and laugh. Loki dies a little inside.

The Numbers:
Number of times Lindsay was mentioned by 10:32: 7
Number of times Lindsay was mentioned by 11:00: 17
Number of Aqua Globes I bought from an infomercial during the show due to my Ambien coma: 4
Percentage of Ali's face her gi-normous eyeballs take up: 23%

The Verdict:
Given the choice between an Ambien induced coma and Living Lohan, I'd actually rather Live Lohan. Enjoy it while it lasts Lohans...your victory is fleeting!