False Alarm

Phewf. Everyone will be happy to know, I'm pooping solids again. I could've sworn that I had a case of the tomato salmonella. And with 1148 cases nationwide, I could've been right. You see, salmonella give you the liquid squirts and makes your tummy rumbly in a bad way. Sometimes you puke late at night in your boyfriend's house and wake up from sleep a contributor to this blog at 4am on a work night. (I mean, does she hafta sleep over every night man???) But I digress.

Remember the Taco Bell scandal of late 2006? Everyone that had either the green onions OR the lettuce (so anyone that didn't just get a pepsi) was in danger of getting E. Coli. And there are always tons of beef recalls for mad cow or e. coli. And now this tomato (or, I'm hearing, it could be jalapenos, cilantro, or Serrano peppers) outbreak is full of salmonella. How is it that all of a sudden all of our food is infected? You never heard of this stuff back in the late 80's or 90's.

It's one of two things. First, the Mexican migrant workers that are increasing picking the crops are beginning to see vegetables as places to wipe their butts and hang out. This would account for some of the nasties our food is carrying with them when they're shipped to us. But I doubt this is the case. I mean, are they doing it? Sure. More than the 90's? No way.

The second (and more logical) idea, is that the media has just taken this and run with it. Now, I know what you're saying. The media??? Blowing something out of proportion??? NO WAY! I know. I was scared and confused at first too. But as soon as you get out of the fetal position, start thinking about it. Now that the newspapers and 6'o'clock news have to deal with failing business models because the internet made everything real-time, they need more news instead of the recycled stuff that everyone has. So why not make it?

Back in the 90's, if a bunch of people got sick, it was called "food poisoning". You'd puke, and you'd go to work a day later. The end. It sucked, but you dealt with it, and you never freaked out. Now, if you get sick, you have e. coli, salmonella, and Loki's old nemesis, the herp. (Not that Loki has the herp, he just hates it cause it called him names once).

So if you get sick, just do what they used to do. Take the day off, run a nice bath, and suck down a bottle of the old pepto. Also, make sure to put a tarp down, cause you never know which hole.