Ferris Bueller's Day On

Good old Ferris himself (Matty Broderick) is in the news for cheating on an Ug-O of the week alum (Ms. Sarah Jessica Horseface Parker). Now, I for one am pissed. What the hell happened to Sloan? She was all like "he wants to marry me" and I was all like, man, the dweebs, jocks, nerds, everyone likes this guy. And then he leaves Sloan for Sarah of "Square Pegs" fame. I mean, he was awesome. How the hell could he leave Sloan?

So now reports are that he f'ed some 25-year-old redhead a few weeks ago. Let's do the math. She was either born in 1982 or 1983. Ferris Bueller's Day Off came out in 1986. So she was probably 3 then. Or 2. Awesome. I hope she was hot. Cause let's face it, most redheads aren't. That's one of the reasons you don't see many of them around. I mean, once again, genetics. If redheads were the hot thing, you'd see tons of them these days. But usually they're all pale and albino-like. And they're mostly boring. But I heard they're crazy in bed.

The whole PESUP crew was at a party recently where McNugget LOUDLY spotted a hot redhead, then had to walk away because he blew up his own spot. I bet she was crazy in bed. She had those crazy eyes. So let me congratulate Mr. Broderick for finally nailing something that doesn't resemble Smarty Jones.