Friday, July 25, 2008

Get That Man Another Drink!

Man, the last time I got tanked, I [unwarrantably] laid down on a girl's large boobs and told her to give me a kiss. She couldn't reach because her boobs were too big, so Weens kissed my forehead instead. In my drunken stupor (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it...for now anyway), I smiled and said "thank you, baby." I then proceeded to pull her cell phone out of her purse, and drunk dial a girl that I've hooked up with once and absolutely cannot tolerate, at 2AM, before the phone was [rudely] taken out of my hand. I then proceeded to throw up for an hour in the bathroom, into the beer pong pitcher for another half hour, twice the next morning and twice more in the afternoon.

How much alcohol did it take me to get to this level? Roughly 5 beers and half a liter of Jim Beam (roughly 11 shots) over a period of 4 hours. A guy my size will get a 0.08 blood alcohol level (BAC) by drinking 2 drinks per hour and for every hour that goes by, get rid of roughly 0.08 (this is really rough math - don't quote me on it). So I had 16 drinks in 4 hours, which equals a BAC of roughly 0.32 (16 drinks x 0.04 per drink - 4 hours x 0.08 processed per hour). As per the health department, that put me in a stupor, as a BAC of 0.3 or above is considered to be in a stupor. A 0.4 is considered to be comatose and a 0.5 is considered fatal.

On Tuesday, Rhode Island State police arrested 34 year old Stanley Kobierowski, after he drove into a billboard. His BAC? A whopping 0.491, the highest BAC ever registered in Rhode Island by someone that isn't dead. When police arrived at the scene, Kobierowski stumbled out of his car, then grabbed onto it and refused to move. Troopers were then forced to drag him into the squad car. Stanley, for your amazing feat of achievement; racking up a 0.491 BAC, driving, not killing anyone, and surviving, you deserve a drink. Salut!

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