Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Tiger Woods Hates Canada

During a news conference at some illustrious country club (you know the kind where you don’t get in unless you’re a millionaire, the dress code consists of plaid pants boat shoes and a pink sweater, and they force you to attend tea and crumpets at noon, even if you really don’t want to go, even if you think tea and crumpets is like the gayest thing ever, even if you would rather stick pins in your testicles than attend tea and crumpets, they force you to ruin your afternoon/morning by attending this crap…..sorry I had some rich grandparents who used to drag me to these things) Tiger Woods responded to a question about the Stanley Cup Finals by saying “I don't really care. It's all about the Dodgers. I don't think anyone really watches hockey anymore”.
OK, first of all, how can jump from the NHL to the Dodgers that quickly. How are they even related?! The only thing that jumps faster than that is me when I was a kid and someone just broke open the piñata at a birthday party.
Second of all…sorry Mr. Woods (haha wood) but golf is not a sport. And the reasons why golf is not a sport:
1. Golf is not played in bad weather. (which basically puts golf on the same level as tanning)
2. There are no referees or umpires.
3. You have a person next to you whose sole purpose in life is to give you advice.
4. You can play by yourself. (I do something by myself at least 4 times a day and it isn't considered a sport...and I at least break a sweat when I do it)
5. Fat slobs (i.e. John Daly) can be good.

1 comment:

Puck said...

see, i got the impression that tiger woods (whose name i can't say without thinking of chris rock in 'down to earth' or wanda sykes' standup. am i alone here?) thought the Dodgers were a hockey team.

there are just so many things wrong with his statement. here are a couple more:
2) let's suppose an interviewer asked tom brady how he felt about the upcoming superbowl, and he said the exact. same. phrase. Yeah, he'd get kneecapped (possibly by the cameraman).
when you're famous for doing one thing, people kinda *lewis black noise* wanna talk to you about that one thing! deal with it (celebrities piss me off)! if you don't want to be asked about that one thing anymore, STOP DOING IT!
3) i feel like he's the cute little ignorant 5 year old who, because he likes Barney, assumes that everyone likes Barney. guess what Tiger; golf is not, will never be, and is definitely not approaching the popularity of baseball, basketball, football, or even *gasp* hockey. deal with it.
it's ok, Tigs; i went through the same stage myself in junior high, when i thought soccer was really growing in popularity and would eventually match football *laughs and wipes a tear from his eye* ah, those were the good ole days of carefree ignorance