Monday, June 2, 2008

Another Fat Chick Loses Weight

Click picture for link.

I'm gonna tell you a story.

Once upon a time, Kathy Stuart ate a bunch of McDonalds. Kathy liked the taste, but hated the waist. For ten years, she ate and ate and felt more and more ashamed of herself, but never got off of her lazy ass. Then one day she decided to exercise and not eat like crap, and eventually lost a ton of weight and started to look human again. Then, the Today show wrote an article about her cause she did something she was supposed to be doing all these years. And eventually, everyone got procrastination rewards.

Why is it that everytime someone loses weight in this country, they get a tv show or something? Who cares? You're supposed to take care of your body. Your reward should be living longer, not making the news. I'm bored of it. BORING! But she ain't lookin so bad afterwards. Look below.

But I have yet to make this post funny. So here's some multiple choice from the article.

1) Kathy finally realized she was unhappy with her weight when she:
A) could no longer see her feet.
B) leapt into the air and got stuck.
C) began searching for her ideal wedding gown.
D) was arrested for eating a small child.

2) Over the next few years, Kathy continued to gain more weight, an issue that slowly began to gnaw away at her:
A) belt buckle.
B) conscience.
C) big macs.
D) hems in her mumu.

3) Though she had always wanted to pursue teaching, she felt guilty about her appearance and worried whether students:
A) yelled "Godzilla!" behind her back.
B) judged her.
C) could see the chalk board behind her.
D) remembered that time she totally farted, the day after she was at a chili cook-off, and the mousy girl in the front row fainted.

Hint: For all three, she's a woman.



She was a woman that didn't hate her weight til she couldn't get the right wedding gown, and her conscience made her worry that she would be judged. Men don't wear wedding dresses (Dennis Rodman) or have consciences or care about being judged.


Kramer said...

Stupid fat people. To quote peter griffin "Men aren't fat, only fat women are fat." And that's been my philosophy for my entire life

Puck said...

i'd like to throw my vote in for more mad lib-esque multiple choices like the one you did here. seriously, combining the different options is hours of fun!

"What?! She ate the small child that passed out from farting when her belt buckle came undone?! Now that's just wrong!"

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