(click Mr. Washington for full article)
A new study has confirmed my long time suspicions that NYC residents are dirty…and horny. The study, conducted by a city health department confirms that 1 in 4 adults in NYC have genital herpes. Imagine being the health official conducting this study…your average day would consist of checking random people’s genitals for sores…your parents must be so proud. I know your thinking that 1 in 4 sounds like a lot, but take into consideration these other 1 in 4 facts:
1 in 4 experience heartburn at least once a month
1 in 4 people read no books last year
1 in 4 believe 9/11 was an inside (hand) job
1 in 4 claim to have seen ghosts
1 in 4 believe that raped women are partly to blame
Now, I am not a mathematician like Plato or Aristotle but I do remember how to add fractions (and how much fractions suck). By my calculations that means that 1 in 4,096 people are tums chewing, ignorant, 9/11 conspiring, Satan worshiping, rapists…who have herpes. Now that’s what I call a study!
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