Thursday, June 12, 2008

Cougar Alert!

What has big boobs, fake blond hair, screws 19-year-olds and has two kids with Hulk Hogan?

Click picture for article.

My kid brother just turned 18. And as if AIDS and underage drinking and all the slutty girls the first week of college weren't enough. Now I hafta tell him to watch out for Linda Hogan. The last teenager she was seen with got into a car accident, went to jail, then complained he was away from the other male inmates.

And her other spawn won't stop blogging on her crappy website about how she wants her family back to normal. Plus, Brooke is 20. Linda's new boyfriend is only 19. That's right. Linda "48" Hogan is dating a 19-year-old. And no, 48 is not the size of her bust, it's her age. Or probably even how many inches her bust sags.

PESUP has official correspondence from someone that observed the date. We're told it went something like this:

Linda: "Hey, if you finish your homework soon, I'll let you eat ice cream... off my ass."

19 Guy: "But Mrs. Hogan, I don't wanna do my homework! Or your ass!"

Linda: "I told you, call me Lovely Linda. Mrs. Hogan is my mom's name."

19 Guy: "Wouldn't Mrs. Hogan be Hulk's mom's name and not yours? Anyways, it IS Brooke Hogan's mom's name, and last I checked..."

Linda: "My son is in jail and I'm compensating by sleeping with someone his age. This brings a new edge to those jailhouse tapes about Graziano's mom not loving her son as much as I do. Anyways, you wanna have some hot monkey-love?"

19 Guy: "Sure thing Mrs. H! I'm 19 and naive, so there's no way it'll be like making love to a Ty Cobb-era baseball mitt, all wrinkly, leathery and dry!"

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