In light of the recent heat wave to hit the Northeast (which is hotter than balls right now), I bring you a cold story. So cold in fact, it comes from the Antarctic winter. Known for being the coldest continent and the only continent Bon Jovi has not performed on (thank you Rockband), Antarctica's winter is in our summer due to their location in the Southern Hemisphere. So while we're REALLY warm up here, they're cold as hell.
Something I didn't know was the fact that people actually hang out on Antarctica for long periods of time. About 125 staff and scientists are there during the winter in just one of Antarctica's bases (McMurdo). From about June 9th until August 20th, the sun doesn't even rise on the continent. Total night. That would be a cool place for vampires, and maybe a great movie, called 72 Days of Night or something. Oh wait, Josh Hartnett and that lady that played the hooker from Dark City (Melissa George) already ruined something like that while I sat in the back of the theater drunk off red wine talking to two 14-year-olds on a date? I digress.
Now here comes the disturbing part. The last shipment before they had to close the airport down for winter included "nearly 16,500 condoms". Wow. 125 people in Antarctica using that many. Sign me up. Let's just say, those ladies might hafta change the tires after a winter like that. With all the ice down there and no tread left... And we're forgetting it's DAMN cold down there. Can the little guy even come out and play in those harsh conditions? And even if he can, do you think the swimmers can survive a polar-bear-plunge like that? It's gotta be at least as cold as a sperm bank down there.
And has anyone seen A Christmas Story? Remember what happens to mucus membranes when frozen? They stick. Badly. So I'd think twice before you let her stick her tongue to your pole...