Friday, April 18, 2008

G. I. Joes, a really big mistake?

The G.I. Joe live action movie is set to come out in August 2009. When I heard about the project it peeked my interests as it would any boy my age (or 10 to 15 years younger then me). However, I was very skeptical of the project considering I have seen many of my favorite childhood cartoons and video games turned into movies and, well, lets just say they didn’t live up to expectations. Here is a quick list:
1) Transformers
2) The Punisher
3) The Incredible Hulk
4) Doom
5) Street Fighter
6) Fantastic Four
7) X-men 2 and 3
8) He man
9) Superman Returns
10) Batman 1-5
11) Alvin and the Chipmunks
12) Garfield
13) The Flintstones
14) Underdog

That took two seconds. The only good ones I can come up with right now are Mortal Kombat and Beetle Juice. They kicked ass!

So due to my cynical nature I decided to do a little research about the G.I Joe project. Below is an excerpt from my internal debate about whether the movie will be good or not:

“Oh, Snakeeyes looks sick. That is good stuff. Wait… who is that playing Hawk? No no no no NO NO NO NO NO COME ON!!!! Shit ass piss, anal rippage, turd burger. Dennis Quaid? COME ON. He is one step away from being Kevin Costner. Who is Dwayne Johnson? That name looks familiar… THE ROCK?!?!?! Oh god kill me now what are they doing? The Rock he is terrible, he hasn’t been in a good movie since… since… ummm….”

“Ok, maybe they can redeem themselves. There are a lot of characters in the G.I. Joe world. Who do they have playing Cobra Commander? ….Oh My God… (silence). The little kid with the long hair from 3rd Rock from the Sun is playing the most evil man in the world?”

“Well, I guess I can go home now, no use in sitting on this line anymore to see it opening night. It is just frustrating sitting out here all winter, stealing the mall’s WiFi to blog just to learn that the movie is going to suck. That wasn’t worth my two pinky toes. They died in vain.”

“Time to pack it up and go home to my only true friends, Mr. Jack Daniels and a loaded 9mm.”

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