Tuesday, August 5, 2008

With a Face Like That...

Remember that girl that hiccuped for 5 weeks straight? She was all "wah, wah, I can't go without hiccuping!" And she was on every damn daytime tv-show (so McNugget informs me) and everyone was offering these backwoods stupid-ass things for her to do to cure them.

Somebody'd be all like "hey, hold your breath." And she would. And then someone would be like "drink the honey from a bee hive where the new Queen is still a virgin while under a full-moon." And she would. And then someone would be like "take roofies and hang out in my bedroom cause I have a totally cool mirrored-ceiling with two-way mirrors on the walls and complete circuiting for my 5 tv cameras with full audio." And she did that too. Nothing worked, and eventually the hiccups went away by themselves.

One of the stupid ideas she took was actually a machine created by a company called Hic-Cup Ltd. (think Hick and Cup). It's some sort of straw thing that sends a shock through your temple while you drink, supposedly calming the, and I quote, "vagus nerve." So the fool used it, and it didn't really work, but the company decided it would pay her $2,500 to mention the product on tv. She did, and the company paid.

Fast forward til now. Her parents are suing the stupid company because pictures of her using the device are showing up in advertising materials. They claim that the $2,500 was for the one television appearance. So the tv appearance made into marketing materials were not part of that cash.

That's like saying "hey, I haven't farted in 5 weeks, let me go on tv." And everyone would be all like "hey, eat beans, eat taco bell, eat White Castle, get something shoved up there." And then Far-Tur Limited asks me to use their item, but it doesn't work, so they pay me two-and-a-half grand to say that it makes me feel like farting, and then I sue them cause apparently I had a stick up there the whole time.

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