Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Kingdom of Crap

Ridley Scott, the man who brought you the arab-friendly version of the crusades in Kingdom of Heaven, is now unsurprisingly producing Nottingham, the Robin Hood version sympathetic to the Sheriff of Nottingham. Sources here at PESUP tell us that his next major film will be Charleston, a movie sympathetic to slave owners leading up to the American Civil War, and portray the Underground Railroad as a bunch of thieves that are stealing property from all important ante-bellum land owners.

But alas, he cannot get to this film without finishing Nottingham. It was slated to begin filming soon, but will be pushed back until 2009 due to leaves. Yeah, leaves. You heard right. No one had thought ahead and remembered that fall makes the leaves brown and not green when they originally set a production meeting for this.

Of course, Hollywood being Hollywood, the thought to digitally color in each individual leaf did cross their minds. But apparently that would blow their budget (and not wasting all that money on that hack Russell Crowe). I bet Sienna Miller (Maid Marion) wins an Academy Award for this crap cause she takes her top off and everyone's like, "WOW, she's natural and small!" cause apparently that's great for indy-flicks and serious award contention. If she's nude, and you're not in the mood, you win an award. If she's nude and you're like "dude!", it's gratuitous. And this is why I hate Hollywood.

1 comment:

Puck said...

see, THIS is why mooovies like Dark Knight kick ass: bad guys are supposed to be stone. cold. fucking. nuts. that's it.
it's not because they weren't hugged as children or because society failed them. we don't care that Sylar's mom pushed excellence on him. for that matter, we don't give a shit that Willy Wonka's daddy didn't let him have sweets. deal with it, Hollywood.
now i'm gonna go try to pitch an idea to some producers about a film that makes the Manson family look misunderstood