Monday, October 29, 2007

I Wish The World Was Flat…So I Could Push You Off

The All Of A Sudden Boston Red Sox Fan – This is the type of person who fails to realize that there are more teams in baseball besides the Yankees and the Red Sox.
Look I’m not here to bash the Red Sox…although I’m not their number 1 fan, but quite honestly it seems like each and everyday there are more and more “die hard” Red Sox fans out there. First you must realize that I respect the real fans of the Red Sox, I mean they have stuck with the same team that hasn’t won in like a gazillion years prior to 2004 (Basically it’s the equivalent of rooting for the deaf kid to win in musical chairs). But there is a new breed of people out there…oh for arguments sake lets just call them…oh I don’t know….ummmm…“FRONT RUNNERS” which are giving all real fans of sports a bad name. I fully understand that people out there hate and despise the Yankees…but it doesn’t mean that you’re automatically a Red Sox fan. Look if you’re from Boston, or anywhere in New England you’re obviously a Sox fan…and I don’t care about you, I’m talking about the rest of those retards out there. I’m talking about the person who claims to be a fan, but when you ask them for last nights score they respond with…Oh I don’t watch baseball…the person who’s never seen a game in real life, the person who’s a fan only because Boston is an awesome city….those people are the ones I’m after. Half of these people, who claim to be fans, I bet couldn’t even name more than three pitchers in their bullpen (you know, the guys who pitch in the middle of the game, when you usually turn it off cause something better is on TV, because you really don’t care that much, because your not really a fan). Lately I’ve been going around talking to these mutants to see what really goes on in their little brains of theirs. The first person I met was a female (hey…I was horny). Basically she was dressed like a punk and/or emo person I couldn’t really tell, nor did I care, and I thought to myself wow this is going to be an easy target. So I asked her, why are you a Sox fan. Her response was simply…because the Yankees are the Evil Empire and I hate them, I hate how they waste all their money buying and selling players. A fair argument I must say, she really must know a lot, but what I found funny was that although she was dressed in what appeared to be clothes that cost 5 dollars combined, she was wearing $200 dollar boots….yes $200 dollar boots. Ironic I think so. Then I proceeded to ask her if she knew who had the second highest payroll in baseball…she looked at me as if I looked like Rocky Dennis. The second person I interviewed was your normal college male, unshaven, dirty hat, looks like he just rolled out of bed. When I asked him why he “loved” the Sox he said….cause they are awesome brah! (A terrific answer and I hope the parents of this child are happy to know that he spends more time getting baked than he does going to class. Like, “brah”, are you kidding me, this isn’t Hawaii, we aren’t taking surfboards to get to work). Mind you that this kid was also a fan of the Chicago Bulls, and the San Diego Chargers…so basically his love for sports is transcontinental…like my love for cheeseburgers. I feel like in today’s world if you’re a fan of the Sox it is the equivalent of being a fan of the Cowboys in the 90’s, which is perfectly fine if you’re a kid, but not when your fucking 27. If you can name players on their team prior to them being good then you’re a fan, and A OK in my book, but if you can’t and/or didn’t know that the Sox had a team prior to them being good, well then I suggest you take your brand new Red Sox hat, your Beckett jersey, and your “love” for the Sox into a car, hit the gas till you reach about 75-80 and drive right into a fucking brick wall.

PS- Did anyone else find it funny that Chewbacca is a lefty??


Mr. Book said...

Two things:

One, everyone was a yankee bandwagon fan when they were winning, so it's the same thing, but at least I don't hafta hear about A-Rod and Torre all the time. (Too soon?)

Two, everybody knows wookies are ambi-dextrous!

kramer said...

Seriously, driving to work today I got stuck behind a loser with the NY license plate SOX2K4, and it had a Red Sox symbol on it. He also had two Sox hats in his rearwindshield...I was tempted to drive him off the road.