Guns Don't Kill People...Hugs Do!

So like I don’t know if anyone out there is aware of this, but apparently an Illinois middle school wanted to teach its students history first hand by turning the school into Auschwitz for the year by outlawing hugging inside the school…yes hugging. I never knew hugging was on the same playing field as drugs, because both are outlawed in this middle school.

Why hugging was outlawed was not the result of what most of you are thinking (boys hugging girls and something growing which makes the girls feel uncomfortable…man the 5th grade was so awkward), but because kids were forming “hugging lines” which were “clogging up traffic” in the hallways. Uhm, isn’t it obvious to the administration that the kids were just following orders by using the “buddy system” which is still drilled into kids heads until they end high school, rather than deliberately trying to clog the traffic in the hallways. Also, the administration needs to stop referring to hallways as if they were the Holland Tunnel.

Also, I used my computer skillz AKA finding the schools webpage online; to help defend these poor kids and make sure they will always have their civil liberties in place. First of all, on the first day of school the administration passed out a list of school rules in which the students had to sign, and date, before the first full week of school started. On this list appeared many rules, but I will only use two of them for this case. The first rule stated “I will always act in ways that are safe”. Talk about sending duel messages, everyone knows the buddy system is as safe as Trojan Condoms (I believe its 99.9% safe). The second rule stated “I will treat other with respect and resolve differences verbally”. Well if hugging someone is wrong then I have been disrespecting my family and friend for 20 and some odd years now. Also, aren’t kids taught that after you resolve your difference you close it with a hug? What the hell are these people doing to these poor kids? These kids are being subjected to so many mixed messages that I wouldn’t be surprised if they wake up one day sleeping under their bed.

But it’s ok right, because the kids are the problem here, not those adults making the laws…right? Sigh, I wish life was so simple. After doing more research AKA clicking my mouse I stumbled upon something that clearly indicated that this would happen. On the date that the last Harry Potter book was to be released, the school held a “Harry Potter Day”, or as I like to call it “Big Pussy Day”. During this day the kids were encouraged to dress like Harry Potter, or like any other characters from the book such as Wizards, Witches, Mages, Knights, Dragons, and of course Han Solo (simply because he’s the man). The only logical thing to come out of this day was to, of course turn the kids into dorks, and thus form “Hug Lines” in the hallway. Man, if this isn’t the definition of the cause and effect relationship, I don’t know what is.