Wednesday, October 17, 2007

For Love or Football

Now, most men would read the title of this article and think "why can't it be both?" Because men love football. Baseball is the national passtime, but it hardly keeps you on the edge of your seat. They do have fantasy baseball, but you hafta pick players based on weird stats (like batting averages on a saturday in June) for you to gain points and win. But men relate most to football.
There's a certain struggle that comes along with football that mimics everyday life. Sometimes you have to grind the ball a few yards at a time to get where you're goin. Sometimes you make short-quick out-patterns to move down your day. And sometimes by the grace of God, you're given a hail-mary that comes outta nowhere and lets you score. There's also the defensive portion (often the more fun side, as in real football) where you don't hafta be calculating, and you're just in it to bend and not break, and knock the piss out of an adversary. And everyone's had that day where they think they've had it won in the last second, but that faggy (not bashing to gays, just faggy) head-coach on the other team called a time out as the ball was up and made you kick it again. So it should come as no surprise that men emulate football in their everyday lives... and football emulates man.

                       The Grinder                  The Show-Pony

For instance, the tandem running back situation was bound to rear it's head in the NFL. Why? Because that's what men do in real life. If you can find one man that hasn't put this into practice (or at least tried to and failed), then you are a liar. There are two kinds of backs:

The Show Pony- This back gets all of the first and second down carries, he's fun to pass to, and he's got the name on the team. He's your starter. He gets seen with the offense and, while not hitting the endzone everytime, he looks pretty with his moves and can sometimes break a long-ball.

The Grinder- This back is usually bigger, gets the ball in desperate times such as third-and-short or goaline situations, and just plain gets the job done. He ain't pretty, most people don't know his name, and he doesn't get a bit of respect outside the locker-room. But at the end of the night, he's usually good for a score or two.

Now, unless you're dense, you know where this is going. Women.

The Show Pony- This girl you take out to dinner, double-date with your friends, she's fun to pass to, and she's got the name that all your friends and family know. She's your starter. At the beginning of the night you text back and forth, then you start the slow progression to calling her, then you FINALLY find her where-ever she is, and spend all of your hard-earned cash and make an ass of yourself dancing with her, just so she can look pretty with her moves and SOMETIMES break a long-ball.

The Grinder - This girl is usually bigger, gets the call in desperate times, such as 3am-and-short or goaline situations, and just plain does the job. She ain't pretty, most people will never hear you admit you know her, and she doesn't get a bit of respect outside of the closest inner-sanctums of friends. But at the end of the night- she's usually good for a score or two.

God bless football.

1 comment:

kramer said...

Simply amazing