EXCITING NEWS ON THE PESU FRONT! WE HAVE A BREAKING STORY, THE FIRST OF ITS TYPE ON PESU. IT TURNS OUT THAT ANN COULTER HAS BEEN LIVING A SECRET DOUBLE LIFE (BOTH OF WHOM ARE CELEBS). IN THIS SHOCKING EXPOSE, I WILL EXPOSE THE ANN COULTER YOU NEVER KNEW YOU KNEW!!!
What started as a quiet evening of, um, investigatory journalism from an apartment that happened to be overlooking Ann Coulter's Manhattan condo, while I happened to be experimenting with a wide-lens camera (wow...a lot of things had to go right for this to happen), I happened to snap a picture of Ann without make-up.
What I saw surprised the ever-living shit out of me. It turns out that Ann Coulter is none other than:
ALICE COOPER!!! When this sharp-tongued poster child of the conservative party goes home, she/he wipes that eye liner off (or puts more on, I forget how this works) and rocks out to the music that he/she wrote from the early 60s through this millennium.
Man, she looks good for her age. If she wasn't such a bitch (and a man), I'd prolly nail her...
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