Thursday, October 25, 2007

Danger! Danger!

Shit has hit the fan. Our worst nightmare has come true. Paris Hilton is going Doctor Evil on us and is going to freeze herself after her “natural” death. In hopes that a cure will be found for what ever caused her death allowing her to be thawed and brought back to life to terrorize further generations of people. I had an interview with Paris to talk about her goal to freeze herself.

Stud: Paris, why do you want to freeze yourself?
Paris: Freezing yourself is like hot.
Stud: Well, freezing yourself would be cold, but that is beside the point. What do you hope to accomplish by freezing yourself.
Paris: I want to like live forever. Dieing is for like poor people. I have like zillions of moneys I shouldn’t have to like die.
Stud: Paris, you do realize that if you do indeed freeze yourself and there is a cure for whatever killed you (a bullet) that you will be in a world where no one will know who you are. Who knows what will have changed in the world and what is going on. I like to refer to that world as Heaven.
Paris: Like, look at like all the people that have been unfrozen before. Like, a lot of them are hot. Like that caveman and like that cop who didn’t know that he didn’t kill those people.
Stud: …
Paris: You know?
Stud: Are you talking about Brendan Frasier and Sylvester Stallone? They weren’t really frozen; they were acting in movies about being frozen.
Paris: Oh… that’s still hot.

Soon after that I decided to end that interview. I thanked Paris for her time, her insight, and the hand job. After leaving the interview I started thinking about repercussions of Paris freezing herself, never dieing and it brought a smile to my face. At least she won’t annoy me in hell like she does on earth.

*interview may or may not have actually occurred.
*hand job did occur; Paris may or may not have performed it.

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