Welcome To Earff

I KNEW IT, I HAVE BEEN SAYING IT FOR YEARS! All the nah-sayers look like a bunch of ass clowns now. All the Democrats and hippies, save the earth man Global Warming will kill us all man… All the Republicans and the South, if we don’t bomb then they will bomb us, mutually assured destruction… The debate went on and on, what would eventually destroy the earth/human life as we know it. Finally proof, a meteorite crashed into Peru yesterday creating a 66 feet wide and 16 feet deep crater. Today there have been over 200 cases of people getting sick from headaches, nausea and respiratory problems. We all know what this means… ALIENS ARE ATTACKING!!!!

First off let me clear some rumors about aliens. They are not queer little green things with big eyes and guts. They certainly are not scientologists. Sorry Tom Cruise, I know how big of a fan you are of this site but we still don’t like you. They aren’t coming here to eat our Reese Pieces or get laid by our women (that’s my job). They are coming here to wipe us out.

Haven’t you ever seen that documentary? The one about the world ending… ummm…. Independence Day, Yeah the one with Goldbloom and Will Smith. What you think they just made that stuff up? Shit we all gotta learn Morse Code.

We still have a chance though. It isn’t over until we say it is. Look, they crashed into Peru. That is in South America. Hey, they can have South America. I say we count that as lost. Not like we ever acknowledged them as part of the world before. I say once they all land there we send over the greatest task force ever created: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Stephen Hawkins, Charles Manson, Justin Timberlake, Fran Dresser, Chuck “the Iceman” Liddell, and Zack Morris. Now that is an unstoppable team. That team can out muscle, smart, creep, dance, annoy, Kong Fu chop, and awesome the aliens. The Aliens will stand no chance.

Then we will kill all the men and take their woman and children and have slaves. It will be awesome. We just can mess it up this time…