Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Facebook Doesn’t Suck…the People on it Do!

People who suck on Facebook

1. The “I Never Went to College but I Have a Facebook Account” person.
Look I’m sorry to say that Facebook was invented not only to keep in touch with your friends from high school (why you need to use the Internet to keep in touch with your “friends” is beyond me), but also and more importantly it was invented so kids in college could meet new people and in the event of an emergency (i.e. group presentation tomorrow or Corporate HOs and CEOs party) to get in touch with one another. This person however feels the need to join Facebook because Myspace sucks and no one uses it. Look jerk off you’re not cool because you didn’t go to school and you think you’re the man because you’re on a site that was once strictly reserved for college students, you’re a loser who has no friends and wishes they went to school and did something with their lives. Seriously, at least put down your high school as your education network, not no network which makes you seem like a creepy stalker.

2. The “I Added Every Application to My Page on Facebook” person.
The whole application thing was cute on Facebook for about 5 minutes, and now its just annoying. When I click on someone’s page that has all those apps on them I feel like I’m looking at a billboard advertising for crappy computer programmers rather than a hot girls page. All I want to do is look at your pictures, not buy you a fake drink on your happy hour wall.

3. The “Alcoholics Anonymous” or “The End of Sobriety” or even worse “I Don’t Remember Taking These Pictures” titling of photo albums person.
This person has become an epidemic on Facebook and needs to be stopped, preferably by burning at the stake. Look, we all know that drinking beer in college is like masturbating during puberty, but who the hell do you think you are that you have to make it known that you get drunk. First of all, posting drunken pictures of yourself online is one of the most retarded things a person could do, peeing on an electric fence is obviously number 1. Do you think people look at your pictures and think to themselves “Oh man this kid is the man, he plays beer pong and funnels…damn I need to be his friend”…NO!!! When I see a person who titles their albums like that, I run up behind, knock them down, and proceed to take a dump on their face. Not to mention alcoholism is a disease, and the only diseases that are allowed to be made fun of are AIDS because only gay people get it and lice because smelly dirty people get it.

4. The person who puts this quote “Here’s to the nights I’ll never remember with the friends I’ll never forget” anywhere on their page person, person.
…self explanatory.


Anonymous said...

"I don't remember taking these photos" and “Here’s to the nights I’ll never remember with the friends I’ll never forget” Classic assholes. Well done.

kramer said...

All I have to say is...AMAZING, well done.

Paul A said...

facebook is almost gayer than Chris Cocker....

Puck said...

reminds me of this bumper sticker on the back of my car:
"Remember: Facebook doesn't post pictures of assholes on the internet, assholes post pictures of assholes on the internet"
wow... that almost gets me crying every time