Thursday, September 4, 2008

Fight Fire with Cry-er

Now, you're gonna think I'm crazy. And I am. Crazy like a FOX!!! But bear with me here.

The article above (linked to the picture) explains that children are up to 3 times as fire retardant as their mothers. When babies drool on the tv remote or lick the tv or do whatever they do while you're watching Tyra and basically ignoring them being a terrible mother, they imbibe fire retardant chemicals which pool in their blood.

After animal testing (I'm all for it, those little bastards should learn algebra like everyone else), it was determined that this could lead to reproductive problems down the road, or hyperactivity. But thus far, no problems have been found in humans.

So, I say we feed kids this stuff on their Cheerios. Then we dress them up all cute, and send them into burning buildings. Think about it.

1) Fiscal Responsibility. Why pay fire fighters and their families pensions? Babies don't have kids or husbands/wives. That's gross. Plus, if we're feeding them this stuff, odds are they won't be fertile anyways. We could probably get away with just giving them happy meals. Those things are like 3 bucks tops.

2) Babies are small. You ever see a movie where the firefighter gets stuck under something and ultimately dies sacrificing himself for a lost child? Babies wouldn't get stuck! They can crawl out of anything. They're the size of bowling balls, and there ain't much that can trap one of them.

3) THESE babies will be immune to fire. Fire retardant? Check! They'd be like tiny dragons.

4) Babies are lazy. What have babies done for us besides being extremely cute and crapping and crying? Get a job!

(Paid for by Mr. Book for President)

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