Friday, September 26, 2008

Please Everyone Shut Up… Not everyone is gay, just most people.


This week was a big “coming out” party for celebrities; however I don’t call it “coming out” when they were obviously gay for years.

Lindsay Lohan admitted to being in a homosexual relationship with Sam Ronson. NO WAY!!! Impossible I have only seen about 50 pictures of them kissing, holding hands and oh yeah scissoring each other. Ok maybe not the last one but come on. When was this a secret?

Clay Aiken, ok first hint… his first name rhymes with gay. DUH. Second of all, if you are holding a cigarette next to him you don’t need a lighter to begin sucking down those delicious poison fumes. You just need to lean closer to him and it will ignite.

Tom Cruise, who didn’t see this coming? wait he didn’t? Are you sure? I had this whole thing written up about him finally admitting he was gay and wanting to have sex with alien men with glowing penises and stuff… oh well that joke doesn’t work now. Although I will keep it on ice for when he finally does come out and then it will kill. KILL I tell you!!!

I have no problem with gay guys. Nope, none what so ever, if they are gay then they are out banging dudes, you know what that does? IT LEAVES MORE WOMEN FOR ME! Hey if every guy out there became a butt pirate do you know how much pussy I would get! More then I can shake a stick at for sure.

You know what I do have a problem with? Lesbians. Yeah that’s right I might be the first guy ever born that doesn’t like female carpet munchers. Sure it is nice to see two good looking women go at it for awhile but do you know what that leaves me with? MY FUCKING HAND!!! If a hot woman, wants to do other hot women that eliminates two hot women from doing me. It’s math.

PS: I am so happy my grandmother doesn’t have internet.

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