Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I Don't Remember Setting My Alarm

This story is 100% true. It is an old story but I figured, what the hell.

Fuckkkkkkkk. Fuckkkkkk. Blame it on the al al alcohol, blasted as I awoke from a deep slumber. I noticed my figures were separated slightly which made me nervous. I opened my eyes and realized... I had no fucking clue where I was. The music was coming from an alarm clock way across the room. The tv was on playing the news. My fingers felt something alien to them. There was another hand in my hand! I felt the springs of the bed move on their own, magic bed?(that's what I thought too) but no! There was another person in the bed! A girl person!

She got up and walked over to the alarm clock and changed the dial, finally finding a top 40's channel that was playing a shitty song she liked. The night rushed back to me... Leaving tobers... Going to the Shannon... Cutting a long line of d-bags... Shots...shots... Dancing... Shots... Then, a girl. The dame currently changing radio stations. Why would a girl want to listen to Chris Brown at 8:50 am and why would she set her alarm on a Sunday? Fuck! Mothers day!

I decide I should get up and leave. I am quite discouraged when I see my clothes neatly placed in the corner of the room... My nuts also had a head ache... I looked across the room at the woman I had hibernated with the prior night, shit... I don't remember her name! Cup of noodles flashes into my mind. Then she says "I am still drunk" a sentiment I shared. I make a move for the door, when I realize I don't have this girls number. Normally I wouldn't give a shit however I had just promised myself that I would start calling girls for "dates" and completely change my game. So I began the awkward number acquiring by saying "I didn't get your number, here is my phone... Put it in." She couldn't figure out my phone however I found out her name... Pam... But not the huge titted asian kind... The trashy, bring a guy home, not have sex with him, let him eat cup if noodles on her couch at 4am kind.

I opened her door to the sunny Hoboken street. I walked to the corner to find I am on Jefferson and Second. Panic sets in... I have to get home... Buy a card... Buy flowers... Be a good son. So I began my walk to the PATH. I reached into my pocket and felt a piece of paper. Right then I knew what this piece of paper was from, last night I broke out the credit card. I pulled it out 44 dollars... Not bad. a second time I went into my pocket for my phone and felt another piece of paper... 34 dollars. Ouch... I still did not get my phone. One more time my hand enter my pocket to find... Another fucking receipt. Unreal.

I stopped at CVS and purchased a Mothers Day card and a Gatorade. I ran home showered, hopped in a cab to Penn Station. Barely caught my train home, Happy Mothers day.

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