If I had a millions dollars, I would buy you a big house...

Yeah, that's a Bare Naked Ladies song. I hate them too. And there was that one song where the guy wouldn't stop singing really fast about drumsticks or something. I dono. Anyways, that's not the point.

The point is this:



This house pictured above will be completed in January 2009. It will cost an estimated $2 billion. In crazy terms, that's $2,000,000,000. The average income for most U.S. citizens is around $35,000. So it would only take a little over 57,000 Americans with an average salary to afford this place using all of their pre-tax yearly income. Either that, or if you could get about a 150,000-year mortgage, you could probably afford this place. This place has a 6-story parking garage, a lobby with 9 elevators, a ballroom (no, not a ball-pit room unfortunately) with crystal chandeliers covering 80% of the ceiling and silver stair cases, and crazy lounges and gyms that don't have the same materials on any of the 27 floors. Plus it's got a sweet view of the Arabian Sea (from India). To put this into even more perspective, consider that the second most expensive house in the world is only $70 million. So this one will be close to 30 times the price of number 2. To quote Magic Johnson "that's crazy".

Now if I had 2 billion to spend on a place, I'd make it much cooler. I would have my own movie theater (like these people do). I would also have an indoor football field, as well as indoor hockey rinks (with full scoreboards) both ice hockey and roller. I would also have a big ball-pit room, along with most of a replicated set of the first (and best) American Gladiators show. One day I would be hangin out in the ball pit, swimmin like it was Uncle Scrooge's money vault, and the next day I would be kickin it on the Eliminator. And I would totally have mazes and secret rooms. A nice big filming studio. Also, a paintball court (and laser tag). Um, a jello-wrestling pit (think vast). And finally, a room with every single Superfriend's toy in triplicate, so that I could break some of them when they got injured and film the whole thing stop-animation-like. Yeah. Real rich people are no fun.

That’s a good change.

Ryan Reynolds is engaged again, but this time to a fellow human being. Ryan and Scarlett Johansson announced their engagement yesterday. Prompting E-online to write this gem:

“Ryan Reynolds has more than Scarlett fever—he has a Scarlett fiancée.”

Wow, great journalism.

Some of you might be scratching your head thinking, “Ryan Reynolds is engaged again. I didn’t know he was engaged a first time.” Well for those of you that were unaware or intentionally blocked it out of their minds, Ryan Reynolds was previously engaged to Alanis Morissette. "Youououououou oughta know" that (you see what I did there? I used a line from one of her songs as a statement to make you, the reader, laugh. However it wasn’t funny, but hey if it doesn’t stop E! it sure as hell won’t stop me).

How the hell do you go from Alanis to Scarlett? That is like me going from playing NBA Jam to playing in the NBA. It could happen but where am I going to put my Cheetos?

The Engagement Ring: Society’s Bane?

In today’s society, women relate the amount of money a man spends on her engagement ring to how much he loves her. Does that mean Kobe Bryant is able to love a woman more than I can because he has a fatter wallet? It might…run it by that young girl in Colorado and see what she has to say.

Women cannot wait for the day that they can finally flash that shiny rock on their newly weighted down left hand to their family and more importantly, their friends. From the second that rock is presented, the woman realizes that the ten years of secretly planning her dream wedding can be made public and she can finally become a princess for a day. Everybody’s eyes will finally all be focused on her. People will laugh, cry, and share fond memories of the past due to this joyous occasion.

Now the wedding is over. What’s left? A $50,000 wedding tab, some photographs, and a man that you have to spend the rest of your life waking up next to. To the women that read that last sentence and were happy or excited by this sentiment, this does not apply to you, but for the other 85% out there, it is a very real and very scary thought. Think about it. That ring isn’t worth two squirts of piss. That man you wake up next to every day is going to affect your life, your happiness, be there for your ups and have to hold you through your downs. Don’t equate that ring to love. Judge the man for the man. Not for a fucking stone.

Avril Cancels Tour

Avril Lavigne had to postpone some of the concerts on her latest tour due to Laryngitis. Now if only there was a way to keep her from ever doing a show again, a way that would make Avril stop recording music. If only I could come up with a plan so diabolical that it would make her disappear forever.

What? Huh? Kill Her? Whoa that sounds a little intense. I was talking about, making her listen to her own music so she hears what she is putting us through or maybe asking her politely to just knock it off.

Kill her… now that is just crazy…

Wait a minute… Who said that?!?!

Move Over Rover....and Let Jimmy Take Over (And possibly shoot a load in your eye??)

A sex tape featuring Jimi Hendrix (the greatest guitarist of all time!) is set to be released by the porn company Vivid Video. The only problem...it's not Jimi! Managers of the late Hendrix have released a statement saying that they believe firmly that it is not him. Well, I guess that's proof for me. Oh wait, you say you want more proof??? OK, fine here it is. An ex gf of Jimi (aka groupie) says that there's no way it could be Jimi in the video because "his face is too broad and nose and nostrils too wide". Look I'm not a doctor or anything, but I'm pretty sure that every time this alleged gf had sex with Jimi...she was either tripping balls on acid, or flying around on LSD. Obviously she has no clue what Jimi actually looks like. Still want more proof?? OK here's my closing argument. In the video Jimi is making love to two women....seriously...this is Jimi Hendrix we are talking about, there's no way he way he would ever have sex with only two women at the same time...at least four or five....maybe....

Heidi Montag is Smart

Heidi Montag showed her excitement and enthusiasm for horse racing at the Kentucky Derby this weekend. You know how you can tell she's really enjoying the race? She's looking through the wrong end of her binoculars. She was overheard saying, "Those horseys look like ants from up here!" They sure do, Heidi. They sure do.

Advice from the Sexperts part III

Last we met, Flopsweat was learning the art of seduction. In this final installment of Advice from the Sexperts, we teach him the ins and outs of sex. You'll also learn whether or not Flopsweat was able to land this girl. How could he not, right?

L&MB: and what do you do once you pick a lip?
FS: not sure
FS: [Loki] never told me the next step
L&MB:ALL YOU KNOW IS THAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO PICK A LIP??
FS: I know what I would do
FS: but I don’t know how to explain it
L&MB: you have NO IDEA what to do with it?
FS: massage lips I guess u could say
L&MB: no.
L&MB: incorrect.
FS: ok
FS: then what yoda?
FS: don’t tell me u do that chicken peck shit…
FS: kiss her once
FS: separate
FS: look at her now do-si-do and promenade!
FS: then go back for me
FS: more*
L&MB: what is this separating nonsense?
FS: ok…do u suck on her lip?
L&MB: yes
FS: ok…that’s what I was trying to say before…couldn’t explain it til I pictured it
L&MB: you also have to use your teeth gently
FS: knaw
FS: ok
L&MB: then, slowly move down to her cheek bone
L&MB: and then start kissing her neck
L&MB: make sure to use your tongue A LOT
FS: umm…
FS: on her neck?
L&MB: yes.
FS: y?
L&MB: which part don’t you get?
FS: y?
L&MB: do you know anything about girls?
FS: I don’t know y girls like guys to suck on their necks and give hickies too…what’s the appeal in that?
FS: except it’s a badge of possession
L&MB: basically, by kissing her neck, she gets a lot of feeling in the neck, which sends little tingles of sensation down to the vagina, causing her to get wet
FS: ok…but y the tongue?
FS: u don’t lick her…
L&MB: does she have any birthmarks on her cheek or neck?
FS: jesus christ…do I have to draw schematics?
L&MB: yes
L&MB: how much does this girl weigh?
L&MB: and if you don’t know, ask her
FS: not much y?
L&MB: just asking
FS: maybe 115 or so…
FS: maybe more…not much more though
L&MB: how tall is she?
FS: 5’4” or so
FS: maybe a little shorter
L&MB: you don’t have to do any bending
FS: ok…are we done now?
L&MB: when you’re giving her a hickey, massage that spot on her neck that you are sucking on with your tongue
L&MB: absolutely not
L&MB: do you want to get this right or not?
FS: yes
FS: but do I just keep sucking on her neck? It seems so stupid
FS: I might like it when I try it…
L&MB: it is stupid, but girls love it
FS: ok
L&MB: besides, it’s a mark to show your affection for her to everyone
FS: lol
FS: I know
FS: my badge of possession
L&MB: where are your hands now?
FS: on her ass
L&MB: ok. Good.
FS: lol
FS: I am not that stupid
FS: or naïve rather
FS: I should sya oh sweet irony…you can’t make this shit up
FS: say*
L&MB: then you start moving your hand slowly up her side to _____?
FS: her breast
L&MB: where is the other hand during this time?
FS: on her ass or on her waist area
FS: or back
FS: back waist compromise
FS: lol
L&MB: and what does this other hand do after you’ve reached the left breast?
FS well…the one on the breast massages around the nipple…the other one can massage her ass or go down…
FS: any objections so far?
L&MB: WRONG
FS: ok
L&MB: very very incorrect
L&MB: you just failed
FS: then what?
FS: stop playing quizmaster and fuckin tell me
FS: I gotta sleep…class at 7:30
L&MB: don’t massage her ass, she’s not a gay man
FS: grab it then
FS: I don’t know
L&MB: move that hand that was on her ass to the back of her head
FS: ok
L&MB: smell her hair and make noise when you do it
L&MB: then compliment how her hair smells
L&MB: are you writing this down?
FS: I got it
FS: keep going
L&MB: tell me what you think is next
FS: nibble on her ear
L&MB: you’re a natural
L&MB: and then?
FS: whisper sweet nothings into it
FS: lol
L&MB: what’re you gonna say?
FS: damn yo fine lifted from any Spike Lee, Wayans brothers or Tyler Perry flick
FS: lol
L&MB: seriously…
FS: I could eat a peach for hours lifted from Face/Off; G-d I hate him…
L&MB: why am I wasting my time if you’re not gonna take this seriously
FS: ok ok
FS: I tell her how silky her skin is
L&MB: no. try again
FS: ok
FS: u just gotta do her in the butt Lifted from The Ladies Man
FS: I don’t know…
L&MB: so if this was real life, you would just stop?
FS: no
L&MB: well…
FS: ask her to suck my dick
FS: no
FS: tell her… Real suave, Flopsweat…
L&MB: tell her what?
FS: to suck my dick
L&MB: you can’t just take 20 minutes to decide
FS: jk
FS: tell her to model for me nude lifted from True Lies
L&MB: Flopsweat, I’m fucking serious. Why am I wasting my fucking time?
FS: what the hell do you want me to say?
L&MB: at this point it has to come from the heart
L&MB: and what does your heart say?
L&MB: you are like a massage on my soul does this come with happy ending?
FS: you complete me like I even have to say it…lifted from Jerry Maguire
FS: how much more do I have to say?
FS: is there a quota?
L&MB: minus the second line
FS: ok
L&MB: the first line is good
FS: ok

Epilogue

I know what you’re thinking: how well could this story POSSIBLY end? Well, Flopsweat is getting married this summer and we are both in the wedding party. Obviously not to the girl from this conversation - that turned into a disaster. Send in your questions to “Advice from the Sexperts” by commenting on this article or email us at boredagainpictures@gmail.com. If we could get this red assed baboon laid, maybe you have a chance after all...

Scarlett Johansson - Please Shut Up!

If you have a cure for bleeding ears, please contact me ASAP. My ears have gone all hemophiliac on me since hearing this atrocity this AM. Scarlett's attempt at music sounds like Enya grew a pair of testicles overnight, threw her talent out the window, and received pop music lessons from Heidi Montag.



Whoever told Scarlett that she has a great singing voice and should release a single should be water-boarded and sent to Hanoi and given the John McCain treatment. Scarlett Johansson is only famous because she has HUGE boobs and looks like she'd do anything in bed. ANYTHING. She can be doing something more useful with her mouth. Like SHUTTING IT!

Public Service Announcement from PESU

Friends, today I reach out to you to address a serious problem that is affecting America, from the youth to those with a foot in the grave. It is a fast growing problem affecting millions of Americans, particularly in the Midwest and in the South. I am, of course, speaking of cankles.

As per the Urban Dictionary, "cankle" is defined as "An ankle of a fat person in which the the ankle and the calf appear seamless." The cankle can be seen everywhere one looks, from the pending election (Hilary Clinton) to Hollywood (Britney Spears) to the line at your local McDonalds (everyone) to your family function (your mother).

I'm not here to hound you about the dangers of hydrogenated soybean oil or high fructose corn syrup, nor am I here to convince you to get on a low fat, no carb, or liquid diet. I'm here to ask you to put down the fork, close the waffle iron, and put down that ice cream cone. I know that it tastes soooooo good in the summer, but please - think of the children. Cankles affect us all and your awareness of the problem is the first step in curing it, so please...let's end this madness and put a stop to cankles. I beg you...

Greatest Study Ever (except of course for the one that said beer is good for you)

(by the way, that's definitely a penis on the cover of the Disney movie The Little Mermaid)

Yes, it's true. An Australian study (bless those Aussies from down under!) have confirmed that males that flog their dolphin at least 5 times a week were less likely to develop prostate cancer than those that felt that playing a quick game of pocket pool was a sin. However, results regarding shaking hands with the one eyed milk man and blindness were inconclusive.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/po/20080421/co_po/masturbationmaypreventprostatecancer;_ylt=AtEXBgd7cBk3qogioU9l9xcDW7oF

Mandy Moore Sighting.

Mandy Moore is still alive and performing music. Well, other peoples music but still impressive. She is the one pop girl from the late 90’s and early 00’s that has not completely destroy her life or become the butt of jokes (ha-ha butt). All she had to do was… umm… stop being a celebrity? Hmmm, well there goes the theory that you can be young, in the spotlight and not be a complete fuck up. There goes my nobel prize.

I could really go for a sandwich, something with bacon on it. Shit, just some bacon could do the trick.

Peep Mandy rock out to Umbrella.

Baseball Lies

Professional Baseball player Miguel Tejada, currently with the Houston Astros was born in Bani, Dominican Republic. As a child he dreamed of playing in the Major Leagues. Knowing he had the potential to be recognized by Major League scouts Tejada was sure he was going to one day play in full stadiums, under the lights, against the best players in the world. However as time passed Tejada began to see his dream fade,

“I was like, oh man.” Tejada said. “I am 18 and I am still not signed by any team. I always dreamed that I would be signed by 16.”

Tejada was signed 3 months later and was finally going to get his chance to play the sport he loved for a living. However something wasn’t right.

“I didn’t want to be 18 years old in the minor leagues. So I did what any person would do.”

What Tejada did was create a fake birth certificate and claimed he was two years younger then he really was.

“It felt so good to be 16 again. Sure, being 18 had its perks but I would be there again in 2 years.”

Recently Tejada was sand bagged by an interviewer who had located his real birth certificate:



Tejada later came out and apologies to the organization. He stated that he wanted to tell the team himself after he had proved himself to management. Since this incident Tejada is 10/15, scored 6 runs, 7 RBIs and 1HR. Astros manager Cecil Cooper had this to say:

“Tejada has really been hitting the ball lately. It is almost as if he has aged two years in a day. I think it is just a relief for him to finally be able to act his age. The difference between this patient seasoned 35 year old veteran and that hotheaded 33 year old rookie is like night and day. The thing is it took only one night to make that transformation… Amazing”

Not Miley!

I don’t know who Miley Cyrus is but apparently she is another 15 year old that is trying to give me some mahogany. News flash sweetheart, it ain’t going to happen… Not again! I only fall for that old trick 7 or 8 times and then I wise up to it.

The 15 year old took some scandalous pictures with friends that are now being circulated around the internet. Nothing to bad, you don’t see anything fun. Parents of course are up in arms. But let’s take a step back and look at all of the most recent young females that have been held to a higher standard because they were/are celebrities. They have all become laughing stocks and terrible role models. So hey, can we finally stop idolizing these people and start telling our children to be themselves and not emulate everything they see on TV.

Unless your kid is one of those school shooters, because that shit isn’t cool. In that case keep him at home and make him watch Gossip Girls, in a week he won’t have the will to kill, or live.

Advice from the Sexperts part II

Last we met, Mr. Book and I were teaching Flopsweat how the female mind works. In part 2 of 3 below, we impart our wisdom of what to say and do to win a lady over. Finally, in part 3, we will address the physical mechanics of hooking up.

FS: everyday I wait for the perfect time to tell you
L&MB: oh, you started
L&MB: phew…
FS: but there isn’t such a thing as the perfect time
FS: but it didn’t come
FS: the perfect time didn’t come yet because I didn’t tell you how I feel
FS: the perfect time is that which is spend with you
FS: you are wonderful and I can’t wait to tell you how I feel
FS: I couldn’t wait for the perfect time to come along
FS: I had to make it come along myself
FS: too ich
FS: i know
L&MB: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING
FS: I am trying to be romantic…but due to my lack of experience
FS: it wouldn’t work
L&MB: no, I think it’s cause you suck at it
FS: yea…cause I don’t have practice No, you don’t have common sense
L&MB: no, I think it’s cause you read too many trashy romance novels
FS: nah…I don’t read that crap
L&MB: yeah, but apparently you write it
FS: lol
FS: I could…
FS: hehe
L&MB: ok Danielle Steele
L&MB: you hafta compliment her
L&MB: have you ever read poetry?
L&MB: you were complimenting time
L&MB: not her
FS: I know…but when compliment ppl I think it’s suckin up…so I suck at compliments I think he means “I suck at life”
L&MB: write her a haiku
FS: lol
FS: she is jewish…not Japanese
L&MB: I’m not kidding, chicks dig that
L&MB: write it in Hebrew then
FS: she probably isn’t that fluent
FS: neither am I He has a keen ear for sarcasm
L&MB: you have to write her something romantic
L&MB: reading something romantic that you wrote to a girl gets them all wet
L&MB: and you have to seal the deal with a kiss
L&MB: why aren’t you telling her now?
FS: wtf am I gonna tell her?
L&MB: you gotta tell her soon before she looks for a better guy
L&MB: what color are her eyes?
FS: not sure
L&MB: how much do you like her again?
FS: I mostly look at her lips
FS: hehe
L&MB: what color are they?
L&MB: not black gentleman lips, eh?
FS: pink
FS: lol
FS: no black gentleman lips
L&MB: tell her “I’m not gonna beat around in your bush. I like you.”
FS: lol
L&MB: or “you have the most beautiful lips…every time I see them, I wanna kiss you”
L&MB: you have to kiss her. You have no other options
L&MB: but make sure you don’t get aroused when you do it
FS: what am I gonna do? Skull fuck her? …
FS: not right away anyway…
L&MB: what…
L&MB: tell her that
FS: lol
L&MB: you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved enough to skull fuck
FS: no feed me a stray cat lifted from American Psycho
FS: I mean pussy
L&MB: oh my G-d, sweet poetry…
FS: lol
L&MB: say “oh cupid, hath thy struck me with thy sweet searing arrow?”
FS: I am not gay
FS: lol
L&MB: um…
L&MB: that’s debatable
FS: suck my balls lifted from the South Park movie
L&MB: see…
FS: lol
L&MB: anyway…
L&MB: what’s this lass’s name?
FS: Rachel
L&MB: does she have sideburns?
L&MB: your silence says it all
FS: no
FS: and no
L&MB: oh, and before you do it
L&MB: don’t shave for a day or two
FS: y?
L&MB: you look more serious that way
FS: should I wait til tomorrow then?
L&MB: sure
L&MB: you’ve got the personality thing goin for ya, all ya need is the rough and tumble look more lies…
L&MB: so run your plan by me
L&MB: a good one this time
FS: well…when I see her tomorrow…I will go talk to her…and compliment her on little things…
L&MB: like what?
L&MB: tell her she’s got a killer body
FS: like her smile
L&MB: she goes to upenn
L&MB: she’s gotta know she’s smart
L&MB: smart girls love to think they’re attractive
FS: I am sure all girls would
L&MB: tell her that she’s all you’ve ever looked for in a woman
L&MB: and after you talk to her and compliment her, what’re you gonna do
FS: I will have to get close enough to initiate contact…doesn’t have to be on lips at first…is he trying to land a date…or a plane?
FS: could be by grabbing her hand
FS: or something
L&MB: just make sure that when you close in, you don’t kiss her on the nose or something retarded
FS: yea
L&MB: ya gotta get accurate precision on that shit
FS: I know
L&MB: if you miss that could fuck you up
FS: the hardest part for me would be drawing closer
L&MB: it’s A LOT harder than it looks
L&MB: plus, ya kiss her on the nose, she might think you’re some kinda pervert
FS: I am not thinking about that…thinking about what I am trying to do here
L&MB: and also, make sure you tilt your head enough where you don’t bump noses
FS: I know…I also kinda have to bend down a bit
FS: she is shorter than me
L&MB: but not enough so that it looks like you’re gonna crack your neck
L&MB: and you know how to kiss, right?
FS: choose a lip or let her choose one
L&MB: what about tongue?
FS: not sure when to start using it…I guess if she opens her mouth a bit
FS: so do i
L&MB: do you kiss her before or after you tell her you like her?
FS: y wouldn’t I kiss her after?
L&MB: just wondering
L&MB: sometimes it’s better before
L&MB: if she’s that type of girl, you know?
FS: what constitutes that “type of girl”
L&MB: well if she’s fun and shit, or if she’s conservative and smart and shit
L&MB: ya know?
FS: then after wards
L&MB: huh?
L&MB: which one is she?
FS: she is more conservative than fun…but fun also she sounds about as fun as genital herpes
L&MB: oh, so she’s uptight?
FS: nah
FS: she is laid back
FS: but not on her back
L&MB: tell her that one
L&MB: you should already know what kinda girl she is
FS: that she is laid back but not on her back
L&MB: it was a joke. relax.
FS: lol
FS: I am tired dude…can we take quiz tomorrow
FS: lol
L&MB: no
L&MB: um, just as long as you don’t try to kiss me
L&MB: cause I think you’d suck at it
FS: lol
FS: shut up [Mr. Book]
L&MB: just kidding
L&MB: you’ll do fine man
L&MB: and what do you do once you pick a lip?
FS: not sure
FS: [Loki] never told me the next step
L&MB:ALL YOU KNOW IS THAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO PICK A LIP??

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion. We will also reveal whether or not Flopsweat got the girl (or any girl for that matter). Be sure to post your sex/relationship questions by commenting below or emailing us at boredagainpictures@gmail.com

Mr. Book is a relationship expert, having helped several couples emerge out of the depths of dark and callous relationships and blossom into loving, functional relationships. Loki is a sex expert, having helped several couples explore new things in the bedroom, open up sexually, and explore their wildest fantasies. Also, he's been to every porn site in existence.

Advice from the Sexperts

We at PESU believe in giving back to the community. That is why in 2000, as part of our probation's terms, Book and I adopted a set of doughy, dopey 18 year old twins; one wit the gift of always being able to say the wrong thing at the wrong time; the other cursed with compulsively quoting movies out of context. Book and I set out on an epic journey as the sherpas (but not as smelly) that would get these unfortunate travelers laid.

Through merciless negative reinforcement and gentle encouragement (i.e. verbal abuse), Twin #1 (herein Jonas) lost 50 lbs., learned to hold back most of his retarded comments (don’t get me wrong, he still flung a barrage of verbal feces, but at least it was controlled), and trimmed his grandma quaff. Eventually, Jonas met a Grinch look-alike that allowed him the pleasure of penetration. He has gone on to have sex with other, much better looking women. He even once said something funny. Honest!

Twin #2’s (herein Flopsweat) journey was a bit tougher. Unfortunately for him, he came to us asking for advice on how to get a girl and what to do with her once she seemed interested.

Below is part 1 of 3 of our conversation with Flopsweat where we share our worldly knowledge and keen insight into the female mind. This conversation has not been taken out of context or manipulated. The names in this story have not been changed.

Did our advice end up getting Flopsweat laid? Was he finally able to successfully charge up Mount Vagina, get through the Jeans Guardsmen and past the Panty Defense? Stay tuned for the exciting saga from your pals at PESU.

Liner notes are in italics

Loki & Mr. Book: so why are you scared shitless of opening up to this girl?
L&MB: don’t you think that if you REALLY liked her, that you’d be comfortable around her?
L&MB: that’s how I am
Flopsweat: because a) I haven’t done that in a while done what? Spoken to a single woman? b) I am comfortable…but it is more a matter of not knowing what to say
L&MB: girls hate it when guys are uncomfortable
L&MB: Flopsweat, ya gotta tell her how ya feel
L&MB: grab her hand
L&MB: turn her around
L&MB: and say “I really want you”
L&MB: and then start kissing her
FS: did you ever do that?
L&MB: of course
FS: and it worked?
L&MB: hellz yeah CAUSE I AM THE FUCKIN’ MAN!
L&MB: so, when you gonna tell that girl?
L&MB: ya gotta tell her soon man
FS: I know
L&MB: like tonight
L&MB: or tomorrow
L&MB: do it tomorrow
L&MB: if she don’t like ya, at least you’ll have me and [Loki] there
L&MB: so, what’re you gonna say?
L&MB: test run…
FS: ok
FS: ……………
L&MB: you’re a natural
FS: lol
L&MB: you’re a glib motherfucker, uncle Flopsweat
L&MB: listen…
FS: the longer I wait…the harder it is for me to tell you how wonderful you are
L&MB: are you comin on to me you goofy fuck? By our reaction he could tell he was barking up the wrong tree and changed his tune
FS: everyday I wait for the perfect time to tell you
L&MB: oh, you started
L&MB: phew…

To get advice from your local PESU Sexperts, leave us a comment on this post or you can email us at boredagainpictures@gmail.com.