Tuesday, March 25, 2008

She's So Lucky, She's a Star

The Hills Fans Can Rejoice!

Just a few months ago, The Hills "reality" star, Heidi Montag, released a single called "Higher" which made my ears bleed for days. Any idea how awkward it is being at work and having a stream of blood pouring out each ear? Actually, it's less awkward than you would image...if you're me (but this is coming from the guy who once got so blitzed he thought "Did you know you have a regulation sized ass" would flatter a girl).

I have not amassed the testicular fortitude to listen to Heidi's new single "No More" [insert your own gratuitous joke about ironic title here], but it is available here:


You can call Heidi & her boyfriend, Spencer and let them know what you think:

Heidi (310) 220-0244
Spencer (310) 220-0215

Now, I could give a shit about Heidi, Spencer, or The Hills, but since I know most people have something to say to one of the most hated couples in California, enjoy.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Star explosion might be sign of ancient star war.

Wednesday March 19, 2008.
EARTH - Light was visible yesterday from a star that exploded 7.5 billion years ago. Due to the unfathomable distance of Earth from the star, scientists have pointed out that the explosion occurred "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away." This discovery has led scientists to speculate that the blast might have been created by the destruction of a space station the size of a large moon. Scientists are guessing that such a spacecraft could have been built to maintain a totalitarian grip on a certain galactic empire, and to stamp out a "rebel alliance."

Adherence to the "space station" theory is far from unanimous however, as many scientists believe that a station of that size would be impossible to blow up. Astronomers who have studied theoretical diagrams of large space stations have pointed out that that if a missile went directly down a certain unguarded exhaust pipe, it could spark a chain reaction that would indeed blow up the mammoth vessel. Skeptics countered by pointing out that such an exhaust pipe would most likely be smaller than two meters, and certainly no larger than an Earth horse or Tatooine Wamp Rat.