Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Keep Your Hi-C Covered When I'm Playing With My Aqua Dots!!!

Aqua Dots, also known in Australia as Bindeez, were recently named the toy of the year at an Australian toy industry function. Aqua Dots are beads that can be arranged in fun patterns and when sprayed with water will fuse together.

Personally, I love Aqua Dots, although I prefer calling them Bindeez. They even serve a dual purpose! My first order of Bindeez buziness is to arrange them into crazy designs (like the Easter Bunny giving it to the Tooth Fairy with a carrot strap-on) - the ladies LOVE that shit!

Hear me out on my second point...that is at least read through the end of the paragraph before you judge me. The second order or Bindeez buziness is that when they are ingested, they release a chemical known as gamma hydroxy butyrate - which is a commonly used date rape drug, which is why Spin Master Toys debated between naming their revolutionary product "Bindeez" or "Roofeez". Date rape drugs do serve one very important purpose - and that is they can be soaked in water with an Altoid and be sold to rich kids as Ecstasy. Yeah...those dumb little bastards have nothing better to do than eating craft beads...just like me when I was a kid. Wait - no, that was glue.

Well, now that the word is out, I guess it's back on the celibacy bus for me!

Ed note: The above was all written in jest and irony. Date rape and producing toys that cause comas, seizures, and death are fucked up.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Sorry, no new post today for me.

I am viciously hung over right now and quite frankly… I don’t care about your thirst for new posts. Honestly, just don’t care. My head is killing me and my stomach is tossing around bile like me fighting 100 midgets. I don’t care if they all attack me at the same time. I would just pick them up and throw them, once they're on their backs they can’t get up. It’s science, those little arms can reach.

You know what, deal with it. So what! I haven’t posted anything in like a week. I am taking the day off. Oh what you are going to stop reading the page, shit I don’t care stop reading* whatever. No sweat off my sack. I think I am going to vomit. I wonder if I smell like alcohol? How old was that girl I was talking too? I hope she was a girl. It was Halloween. Now I am def going to vomit.

*Please don’t stop reading PESU!!! And please click on all the advertisement once they are up. WE LOVE YOU